Doctrine of the Family

There were a few things that stuck out to me this week  as we have been discussing divorce and remarriage.  As a missionary I loved teaching people about the doctrine of the family and how God gave us a family in order to learn and to grow so that one day we would be able to return to live with Him again along with our families for eternity.  I think it is so vital that people understand the doctrine of the family.  When I took FAML 100 I really came to realize just how important the family is and its impact on the world.  Another thing that resonated with me is that family is a choice, not a passive occurrence in life.  This choice is challenging but also the most rewarding thing we can have in this life and the next. The other thing that stuck out to me is that a family with a mom, dad, and biological children is not the only kind of family.  This type of family in the church is seen as the perfect, ideal family, but sometimes things happen that prevent this whether it is death, divorce, remarriage, or adoption.  Something that I never thought much about is that we are all adopted.  Through the gospel and as we live it Christ adopts us into His family.  I think sometimes we look down on or judge those who don't fit the mold of a "normal" family, but we shouldn't because we are all brothers and sisters and need to treat each other as such. 

The "I" Message

This week we have been learning about parenting and something that stuck out to me as I was watching one of the videos was the "I" Message segment.  This means that instead of blaming the other person for doing or not doing something that you focus on the problem or the behavior. For example you say, "I have a problem with this mess." instead of saying, "Why haven't you picked up this mess?" or "You left the room messy." Then you state how you feel and your reason for feeling that way and then say, "I would like... help cleaning up this room."  I have found that when I criticize someone it hardly ever helps the situation because they often become defensive.  They became defensive because I'm attacking them or in other words I am attacking their character. I'm taking a marriage class this semester and I remember learning this same concept except it was with a spouse.  This is a good technique to use in all of your relationships, not just children.

Work is an eternal principle

This week in class we have been discussing work and the home.  Something that I never noticed from the account of Adam and Eve is that the Lord didn't curse them, he cursed the ground for their sake.  It really is a blessing to work. In Moses 1:39 we read that God's work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. God doesn't just sit in heaven and do nothing, he continues to work so that we can be happy and receive the blessings of eternal life.  I'm thankful that my parents taught be how to work.  Work in the home is often seen as menial, repetitive, and mindless.  These things are viewed negatively, but they have some great benefits.  Because housework is menial it allows little children to contribute, because it is repetitive it gives us the opportunity to give repeated service, and because it is mindless we can think of other things or engage in a meaningful conversation with others. I never thought of these things before, but there is some real value in these things.

Inspired Councils & Inspired FHEs

As I served as a missionary I was able to really see how the church works and how important it is to have inspired councils to further the work of the Lord.  In class this week we learned about councils and talked about the General Authorities meeting every Thursday in the temple.  As we were discussing it I realized that this weekly council reminded me a lot of how FHE is set up or should be set up.
1. Every Thursday- A set apart time that is sacred
- Fhe is supposed to be every Monday evening
2. In the temple- A sacred place
- Our home should be a sacred place. The home is next to the temple in sacredness.
3. Express love and gratitude
- We should do this in our family often
4. Opening prayer
- FHE should start with a prayer to invite the spirit.
5. Discuss to consensus
- Discuss the needs of the family and have a lesson
6. Closing prayer
- In this way we can consecrate it to the Lord
7. Eat chocolate or pie
- After the lesson or activity there is always refreshments! :)
I know growing up in my family that FHE wasn't always the most enlightening time for my family, often there were arguments and contention, but looking back I'm glad we did it.  FHE is an inspired program and I think it has a lot of potential just like councils are inspired and have a lot of potential.

Crisis= Danger + Opportunity

In class this week we are learning about the family under stress. I really liked how in chinese the word crisis is made up of two characters meaning danger and opportunity.  I remember when I was on my mission and I had to train a new missionary.  It was my fourth transfer and I still felt like I didn't know anything especially with the Spanish language and I panicked.  I didn't think I could do it, but I got a blessing from my mission president and was comforted knowing that this was an opportunity for me to grow. It was difficult, but the Lord blessed me with strength and courage and he blessed me with a wonderful companion.  This was a hard experience for me, but I learned a lot from it, especially about myself and how I handle stress in my life.  I know that if I humble myself and rely on the Lord that He can and will turn my weaknesses into strengths in order to accomplish is will. What stressor events have you had in your life and how did you handle it?  What do you think are the best ways to handle stress?

The Brain is Powerful

This week we have been talking about sexual intimacy and in class Brother Williams made the comment that the most important sex organ is the brain.  I had never thought about that before, but as I have thought about it more it makes sense. One time I was on a date and I wasn't really interested in the guy and he held my hand and tried to kiss me. I didn't let him kiss me because I didn't want him to.  Even as he was holding my hand I didn't like it because I wasn't attracted to him.  However, on the flip side I was dating a guy I really liked and when he held my hand for the first time I was excited and I felt butterflies in my stomach. Both guys held my hands, but I felt a definite difference between the two. I think that had to do a lot with my thoughts and how I thought about each of them. 

Preparing for a Marriage vs. Preparing for a Wedding

Often times I think during engagement we focus too much on the wedding planning and not enough on the marriage planning.  During courtship we should be getting to know the person and start discussing issues that will help prepare for marriage, but sometimes this is put on the back burner, saved till later, and it really shouldn't be.  I also liked how in class we discussed the four distinct phases in a relationship: dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage and how important it is to not "slide" into any one of the phases.  If a couple that is dating "slides" into courtship they may not know where each other stands and what the expectations are.  Sliding into engagement is not good either because the couple hasn't started to make clear boundaries between the couple and their families.  Sliding into marriage is not healthy either because that often involves couples cohabiting before they acutally get married. They are also less likely to be prepared and ready for the commitment of marriage if they slide into it. 

What is Love anyway?

In the text book we learned about the different kinds of love: agape (unconditional), storge (between parents and children, eros (passion), and philia (friendship). So what is love when there are so many different apects and combinations of it. M. Scott Peck said, "I define love thus: the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."  I agree with Peck's answer, however I think it can apply to other aspects of an indivdiaul such as emotional, intellecutal, personal growth. We can also look to our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ as perfect examples of love. According to the Bible dictionary, Charity is the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection. It is the pure love of Christ. I think that this kind of love relates well with agape in that it is unconditional and that one doesn't expect anything in return.  When we are exhorted to pray for charity in the scriptures I think this is the kind of love that God wants us to develop for ourself and others.

Satan is cunning...

In Brother William's video on same-sex attraction he mentioned a woman who said that for every gay couple there are two women without a man to marry. That really hit me because I never thought of it like that before. The family is central to God's plan and that is why Satan is doing everything that he can to destroy it.  I also thought that is was interesting that often people who feel that they are different or feel lonely tend to go down the path of same-sex attraction.  I think the key to combat this is knowing our identity, that we are children of a loving Heavenly Father and that our gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. (The Famly: A Proclamation to the World).  If we truly knew our identity as children of God we wouldn't be deceived by Satan's tactics.

How do you define "family"?

I think that it is sad that social scientists have a hard time defining the family.  Growing up I always thought that a family had a mom, dad, and children.  According to the Family: A Proclamation to the World a family consists of a mom and dad who are married and have children.  The family is central to God's plan of happiness and this is how God intends families to be, but unfortunately the nuclear family is becoming less and less common.  What can be done to stop this trend? I think one way would be to encourage people to marry first. A family starts between a man and a woman and if they get married and are committed to each other than they can provide a good home for future children. 

Importance of Strong Marriages

This week Brother Williams said something in class that really hit me.  He basically said that a family can only be as strong as the marriage.  I aslo believe that is true because I have seen that in my own family as well as other families.  If the marriage is struggling then the rest of the family will be effected. I'm also taking a Marriage class and hope that the things I learn will help me have a strong marriage in the future.

The Gospel is True!

As I was reading the first chapter of my textbook this really stuck out to me: "It is important to note one thing more: married sex is more satisfying both emotionally and physically than is sex between the unmarried." Our Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and what will bring us true happiness.  Being chaste is very important to our Father in Heaven and that is why he has commanded us to live the law of chastity. He knows that breaking this commandment only leads to pain, sorrow, regret, and unhappiness.